you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You took a bar mat shot.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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