oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i out mim tonsoeep
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