Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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