bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
