Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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