I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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