Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
