No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This couple is walking their pig around campus
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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