Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Boobs speak an international language.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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