Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
