Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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