It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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