where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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