If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
