Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
