my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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