What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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