I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
