Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
