I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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