From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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