and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
