Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
