Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
