the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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