Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
