I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
