What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
