look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my shit smells like andre
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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