i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
