What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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