I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
