I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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