Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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