if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
