I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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