My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
