GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
