So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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