You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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