she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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