I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
