atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
