arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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