my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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