I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
