I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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