What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
