My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
