sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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