remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
