He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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