One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
