woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
