Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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