he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
