the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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