Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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