i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well most of my day revolves around power hour
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
