No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Barsexuality is the new black.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
