shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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