Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
