I just cut my nipple shaving
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize