Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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