i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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