I just saw a hot homeless man
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
