She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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