Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
